Mental and Emotional Health After a Nephrectomy

A nephrectomy is surgery to remove a whole or part of a kidney. After this surgery to remove cancer, some people say they want to live life to the fullest and appreciate life more.

At the same time, many people feel worried about their cancer coming back once they are cancer-free. And they may worry about the health of their kidney(s).

On this page:

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Common feelings after a nephrectomy

After a nephrectomy, you may have a lot of different feelings. All of these feelings are normal. It may help you to know that other people have felt the same way you do.

Here are some common feelings after a nephrectomy:

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Anxiety and stress

It’s common to feel anxious or worried about your health after a major surgery.
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Depression

Dealing with a cancer diagnosis and a major surgery can be emotionally draining, and it’s not unusual to feel depressed afterward. Anxiety and depression are closely linked – it’s common to feel both.

You may also have some uncertainty about the future, such as if you are waiting for test results, or if you are worried about your cancer returning. Fear of cancer coming back is one of the most common fears for anyone who has had cancer. It’s perfectly normal to feel worried, scared, or anxious that your cancer might come back.

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Loss or guilt

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Men’s mental health

If you identify as a man, you may feel like society or your culture says you need to be strong, tough, and to hide your feelings. If you are depressed or have anxiety, you may feel like you must “tough it out” alone. During a major health issue, such as a cancer diagnosis or a major surgery, this can make things worse.

You may find these happen as well:

• Hiding feelings – Instead of talking about their fears or worries, men might ignore or push their feelings away. This can lead to more stress and sadness over time.
• Different signs of sadness or stress – Compared to women, men are more likely to be easily annoyed or angry, work too much, do risky things, or drink alcohol or use drugs.
• Avoiding help – Many men feel embarrassed to ask for help. They might think it’s a sign of weakness, so they avoid talking to a doctor or a therapist.
• Stress about being the “provider” – A major health issue can threaten a man’s job or finances. If they see themselves as the main provider for their family, this can cause even more worry and stress.

Remember – everyone has challenges with their mental health, even if they don’t talk about it. Your feelings are normal and valid, and it does not make you weaker to admit it. Keep reading this page to learn some ways to support your mental health.

You can also seek help from a mental health professional. This type of help is not a last resort – it’s a smart choice. You can even find someone who has worked with cancer survivors. You can always ask your care team to help you find a mental health professional.

Man Therapy is a website for men that uses a lighthearted approach to talk about serious mental health topics – check it out!

Read Sid’s story about how he managed his cancer diagnosis and mental health: “It’s OK to Feel the Feelings”

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Coping after a nephrectomy

How to manage pain after surgery

Here are some ways to cope with pain after surgery:

• Talk with your care team about pain control – Your care team can prescribe pain medicine or suggest other therapies to help with the pain. Also let them know if the pain gets worse or doesn’t go away. They can adjust your prescription or therapies or suggest something new to help.
• Try mindfulness or relaxation techniques – You can try things like deep breathing exercises or meditation to calm your mind. This can help you lower stress and release tension, which can help with pain.
• Find distractions – Distracting yourself can help take your mind off the pain. Do things you enjoy such as watching TV, listening to music, or talking with a friend.
• Try to prioritize rest and sleep – Getting enough sleep helps your body heal, helps lower your stress, and can help lower pain.

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How to cope with other health problems after surgery

It’s possible you may have other health problems after surgery, not just pain. Here are some ways to cope with these problems:

• Stay informed – If a certain health problem happens to you, try to learn as much as you can about it. Ask your care team any questions or concerns you may have.
• Talk with your care team – It’s important to keep your care team informed of any changes to your health while you are recovering from surgery. Especially if a problem gets worse.

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How to cope with the loss of a kidney

You may worry about no longer having 2 fully functioning kidneys. The good news is that you can live a completely normal, healthy life after a nephrectomy!

Here are some ways to cope with the loss of a kidney:

• Be proactive about your health – Make sure to have regular check-ups with your care team and get regular blood and urine tests to check your kidney health. You can also follow the suggestions here for longer-term lifestyle changes after surgery.
• Stay informed – Learn ways to keep your kidney healthy. Ask your care team any questions or concerns you may have about your kidney health.

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How to make communicating with your care team less stressful

Communicating clearly with your care team is key to a good recovery and your long-term health. Here are some tips to help make communicating with your care team less stressful:

• Get to know your care team – Your healthcare team is more than just your main doctor. It can include nurses, dietitians, social workers, and other specialists. Ask for the names and roles of the people on your team and how to best contact them. This helps you know who to contact with specific questions.
• Make a list of questions – If you have questions about your health – ask your care team! Write down your questions or concerns. You can keep an ongoing list and bring it with you to appointments or have it with you when you call your care team. Asking questions is a great way to stay on top of your health.
• Practice speaking up – You may feel too nervous or overwhelmed to speak up during an appointment. Practicing what to say beforehand can help you feel more confident to speak up in the moment.
• Bring a friend or family member to appointments – Having a trusted person with you can help you remember what was said and ask questions you may not have thought of. They can also offer you emotional support.

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How to cope with fear of cancer coming back

Here are some ways to help you deal with the fear of cancer coming back:

• Be proactive and well-informed about your health – Schedule regular doctor visits, exams, and screenings. These can help catch changes in your health before they become serious problems. You can also ask your care team signs and symptoms to watch for that may mean the cancer has returned.
• Focus on what you can control – You can’t control if your cancer returns, so focus on other parts of your life or health that you can control. For example, focus on starting a new exercise routine or getting back into an old hobby.
• Join a support group – Connecting with others who are going through a similar experience can be very helpful. You can share your worries and learn how others have coped with this fear. Find support groups at our Virtual Support Groups page.

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How to deal with people dismissing your nephrectomy

Some people feel that others dismiss their kidney cancer diagnosis because the “only had surgery” and did not go through seemingly “more intense” treatments like medicines or radiation.

Remember – surgery is a major treatment that takes a lot out of your body. It’s still a “big deal” and your emotional and physical recovery is significant, even without other treatments.

Here are some ways you can respond to others who minimize your experience:

• Educate them about surgery as a cancer treatment – You can tell them that surgery is the main treatment for non-metastatic kidney cancer (cancer that has not spread to other parts of your body), and for many other types of cancer. Also, the surgeon didn’t only remove cancer cells, but they removed part or all of your kidney. Losing a part of your body is a lot to recover from.
• Share your experience – If you’re comfortable doing so, you can share a specific example of what you’ve been through to help them better understand. For example, how surgery impacted you physically and emotionally.
• Reframe the conversation – You can shift the conversation to a different topic, such as how it feels to be cancer free.

You may have someone close to you think this way as well. It can be incredibly painful when someone you thought you could rely on for support doesn’t understand what you’re going through. It’s important to remember that their lack of support doesn’t make your experience any less valid.

Here are some ways to cope if this happens to you:

• Acknowledge your feelings – First, allow yourself to feel angry, hurt, or disappointed. Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to acknowledge them rather than push them away.
• Find others to support you – You don’t have to rely on only one person or group of people for support. Talk with other family members or friends who don’t dismiss your experience. You can also find support groups or online communities with others who have had surgery to treat cancer.
  • Find support groups at our Virtual Support Groups page
  • Find online communities at our Online Support Communities page
• Set boundaries – You can’t force people to understand, but you can protect yourself from their hurtful comments. If a certain person consistently minimizes your experience, you can limit how much you talk about your health with them. You can also tell them you don’t want to hear their opinions. For example, “I need you to just listen right now. Please keep your opinions to yourself.”

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Transition out of needing a caregiver

While you recovered from surgery, you may have had a family member or friend helping you. Once you start to feel better and regain your energy, you might not need as much help. You may have mixed feelings about it as well – you may miss the extra help but feel glad to have your independence back. This change can be hard for both you and your caregiver as you adjust to a new normal.

Here are some tips to help you transition out of the “patient” role:

• Communicate openly and honestly – Talk with your caregiver about the change and how you’re feeling. You might be happy to be independent again but also a little sad or even guilty that you no longer need them.
• Recognize your caregiver’s feelings – Your caregiver also went through a lot. They may feel a sense of loss or a lack of purpose now that their caregiving role is over. Acknowledging their experience and thanking them for their support is a great way to help them through their own transition.
• Focus on shared activities – A big part of the patient and caregiver relationship is one person doing things for the other. As you recover, shift the focus to activities you can do together. This can help rebuild your relationship as family or friends, not just as patient and caregiver.
• Seek support if needed – If you or your caregiver are struggling with the transition, it’s okay to ask for help. It can be helpful to talk to others who have had a similar experience. You can also talk to a counselor or therapist.

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General tips to help support your mental health

Stress, both physical and mental, may change certain things in our bodies, like how our immune system works. So, it’s important to keep your stress low to help you stay healthy after your surgery.

Here are some ways to manage your mental health: