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This is a guest post by Nicole Scott, whose husband Keith is diagnosed with kidney cancer. Together, they organize “Keith’s Cause” to raise awareness about kidney cancer where they live in Ohio.

I was on my ten-minute drive to work when it started happening again. My eyes filled with tears as I tried to think of something else but my mind played like a movie reel. 

In this reel, playing in my mind over and over again, I watched the sparkle go out of my husband’s big brown eyes as the ER doctor told him he had kidney cancer. I see myself gathering things insanely fast to get out of this place that just ruined our lives. I see the love of my life holding me up to walk out to the car as if I am now elderly.

And then my mind goes to surgery day. I see us driving in complete silence to the hospital, I see us pulling up to the hospital and tears running down my face in the parking lot, I see them wheel him back and turn the corner, and then I see his pale face gasping for air as a nurse on each side taps his chest to try to keep him breathing on his own. I feel so relieved to finally pull into the work parking lot and distract myself from this mental torture that has consumed me ever since diagnosis day.

After a couple months of this daily struggle, I went to Keith and told him about my continuous flashbacks and that I did not want cancer to have this hold on my mind and on me. I told him how I was thinking about talking to someone and asked him what he thought. He was immediately supportive, as he is always is. Shortly after this conversation I found myself nervously walking into Bethany’s office. After going through the typical question and answers, Bethany asked me in her kind, gentle voice, “Why are you here today?” It was the first time I realized the “C” word was hard for me to say and to put in the same sentence as my husband.

https://www.kidneycancer.org/stories/nicole-scott-caregiving

As the words came out of my mouth the tears began to flow until they turned into an uncontrollable sob. After what seemed like numerous minutes of this, Bethany looked me in the eye and said, “Nicole, you are normal”.

I will always remember that day as the day I took steps to freedom and the day I decided I would not let cancer ruin who I was. With Bethany’s help and my faith as the center of that help, along with the support of my many friends and family, I was able to free my mind in a way that it had never been free.

Unfortunately, the “Aftermath” of a cancer diagnosis is not talked about much and when it is you are often told by well-meaning people to “be strong”, “keep going”, or “you will be okay”. Sometimes these words meant for comfort sting and make you think you aren’t moving on quickly enough or that you are being negative, or weak. This often also keeps us from getting the help we need, for fear of judgement and not wanting to be labeled a “victim”.

Getting help is not weakness, it is courageous and strong. Today, I encourage you that no matter what your “Aftermath” may look like that you can come out on the other side. Not only can you come out on the other side, but you can come out better than you were before.

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